Paralyzed

I feel myself disintegrating,

seeping into the air.

Losing myself,

I disassociate.

Easier than staying,

trying to walk through a door I can’t seem to fit through.

If I never had it,

I couldn’t lose it.

I console myself saying,

I don’t need it.

But it’s the thing that’s making me lose myself.

I touched your deepest parts, 

and when you tried to reach for mine,

I pulled away.

I just like taking pieces of you.

I just can’t stay to see what might be,

I won’t be there to say it back.

It’ll just have been a part of my hazy non-reality by then.