A Reflection

I stay my course on a usual rhythm,

until I’m disrupted by someone or something 

that might seem more beautiful

than I could ever imagine myself being.

Their gifts to be envied,

cheeks flushed with shame,

shame that such ugly thoughts 

reside somewhere so reachable.

Preached love, 

complete love,

but can’t love 

without the barbed wires?

Even when it cuts my own skin?

Thoughts that seem out of control,

thoughts that I want to kill,

thoughts that try to kill me first,

thoughts that cling like a parasite.

What if I am just as beautiful?

And I’m turning a blind eye, 

self sabotage, 

more than I could ever know.

When everything is already within

this temple I’m admiring,

when I’m standing at the center 

radiating, waiting to beam.

Only thing stopping the light 

is a film of my imagination. 

Encasing everything like a membrane 

that needs to be birthed through.

A temple of wonders

suffocated by the shadows of my own making.

What if it’s not a linear measurement

of someone being more

than I could ever imagine myself being.

And what if my ugly thoughts

could be admiration, an inspiration,

and I don’t have to count the differences?

Then all that’s left is the appreciation,

this vast love for all that’s around me,

without prejudice 

it feeds.

It expands even more.

I love you for existing.

I admire your existence 

and I revel in your beauty.

And my temple glows so bright

as if it was made of all mirrors.

With the sun beaming right down,

rainbows refracting,

sun rings glowing.

I stretched my limbs,

ripped through the fog,

the misty reflection of my imagination.

The very own thing that was suffocating me,

my own umbilical cord wrapped around my neck.