The First Days

your soft lips

with your still soft beard

pressed hard against me

as if it’s trying to connect

all the thoughts, all the feelings

spilling out

I smile

I laugh

as if you did rub off

lust that seems like more,

but how can lust be more

when we don’t even know what the next hour will bring?

words try to escape my slightly open lips

muddied in moans

muddied in lust

I almost want to tell you -

I love you

but nothing comes out

I know I only know of lust

at least for this moment,

pretending,

playing with my favorite game

your reassuring hands,

your swallowing arms

you squeeze me tight,

I tell you -

I’ve not felt this kind of goodness

I wonder, if this is real

for half a second of a moan

until it wakes me up

and brings me back to this physical moment

bursting of something,

something more than a release

something that seems to exist

in some happy place between lust and love.